Sunday, May 27, 2012

The Bundle In A Box

Hello. There is a thing called A Bundle In A Box and I purchased it and I would like to tell you why you should also purchase it while you still have time.

Ok, first things first. I know you're probably thinking "Oh man, bundles are so overdone." but that is the wrong thing to be thinking. Why? Because this isn't like other bundles. Those other bundles are just bundles. This one is in a box. Not only that, but it is a bundle about ADVENTURE GAMES and I assume you are a fan of ADVENTURE GAMES because you have come here, and those are the sorts of games I make.

I am going to tell you about some of the ADVENTURE GAMES in this bundle in this box and then you're going to see why I bought it and am telling you to buy it.

One of the games that you get is Gemini Rue. You know that game you're playing through at the moment? Stop playing it. Play Gemini Rue instead. It's better, and therefore you should be playing it instead. I would spend lots of time talking about Gemini Rue but you ought to know about it already and if you have never heard of it, just buy the Bundle In A Box and you'll know all about it.

You can also get Ben There, Dan That! and Time Gentlemen, Please! and these are both ADVENTURE GAMEs in which you get to play as a character called Ben. Ben is the best name for playing a game as, Full Throttle taught us that, and these Zombie Cow/Size Five guys paid attention, which was jolly good of them! Both games are about being English and have some amazing puzzles, at one point you get to muck about with Hitler's poop which has never been done in a game before and that's what we in the "scene" call "innovation".

There's also a thing called 1893: A World's Fair Mystery. This is not an ADVENTURE GAME, it is something called a text adventure, which is a genre of game you absolutely should not play unless you're a filthy creative type, like an artist, poet or even worse a philosopher (ugh). Ok, so I'm none of these things and have played and enjoyed text adventures but I did so in an ironic way. If you're a dirty philosopher, though, this is probably exactly the game you want to play.

Then there's The Sea Will Claim Everything. I did not know what to expect from this, it appears to be a first person game, and thus I was expecting Doom™ (I had to Google "tm symbol" to know you press Alt+0153 to make the ™ so there's something I've learned) and this is not at all like Doom™. At all. It's an ADVENTURE GAME and a bloody good one, with lots of amazing things to click on and be pleased/surprised/amused/curious/all of the above at. It has the most fun GUI of any game I've ever played and when I went to save my game and the game provided a save slot called "Nipples" I wondered why I'd never used this name for my save games ever before. I will now. Always.

You can also get The Shivah, and let me tell you about this: I have a copy of The Shivah on cd on my shelf of games. On actual cd. That means it is a real game! The whole entire world knows about The Shivah by now, so I will assume you've already played it and if you haven't why are you still reading this go and get it and play it.

Lastly there is Metal Dead, which is an ADVENTURE GAME made in AGS like my games, but unlike mine it is at the enormous 600 tall 800 wide size, which is a resolution from The Future*. It's an ADVENTURE GAME about zombies and heavy metal, and these are three things I like more than most things. The time I've spent with it has been good quality gaming time, and I want you to have some good quality gaming time as well. Please, do yourself a favour. Play Metal Dead. You, too, can have good quality gaming time.

Wait, I've been talking so long about all these amazing games that you forgot what this is all about!? The Bundle In A Box, of course! Go and buy it now! It costs less than Final Fantasy X and is so much better.

<3

*I assume. I've never been to the future, but I am certain there are games at this resolution there.

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